Make a Wish

a little child
with shaven head
and sunken eyes
seizes me up
holding on to
a drinking cup
and a smile
wisdom and knowing
beyond its years
having met head on
all our deepest fears
and are those tears
no the eyes twinkle
the spirit, undamaged
though the body is ravaged
by disease
and pills and pleas
and potions and principles
and people’s pain
what can you wish
for this young one
toys, treasure
or your time
or a prayer
that some day
you just may
have a will
a spirit
as radiant
as theirs.

Doodles

turquoise
lapis lazuli
the tongue wraps itself
around words
beautiful
as binding ties
whimsical
cat’s eyes
and searches
for more
words that mean
home
like you and i.

The Net

i’m on the net 24/7
looking for sex
looking for heaven
some people think
that’s one and the same
i don’t agree
but still play the game
i meet interesting people
while i am there
and it’s a wild mix
a sumptuous fare
the old man who’s
just looking to die
the whore who asks
when and never why
the teenager who shops
when you get off
the former beauty queen
who’s gotten a little soft
the regular lonely husband
the bewildered wife
the hit man with
the calling card knife
the father looking to
cure a sick child
immigrants who claim to
drive you wild
the gypsy
the gung ho
the addict
the gimme more
they all inhabit my world
my realm
i see them all
i see me in them.

Dwelling

i need to get out of this space
pitch my tent some other place
this dwelling does me no good
i am always in your neighbourhood
i pass your house time and again
sing your song, dance in your arms
walk with you in the falling rain
find irresistable,that subtle charm
i need to move on
to save my soul
to look back and say
i am whole
to sing a song of sanity
to not be lost
to actually see
but one last time
just let me be
let me stay
just for a bit
and sing this emotion
that i feel
in my heart
it lightly sits.

The Terrace

the mind works
the heart whispers
hands stilled, held by moss-covered bands
soft unyielding
legs clash collide harmonize
find space, find their nook
noses align
mouths tremble and are firm
pressed by loving weights
lips part, voices hush
breathing jerky but synchronised
heart to heart
like the sea on the sand
everything comes together
the wind howls
the stars shine on a black canvas
below- oblivion
The perfect kiss.

Seashore

by the ocean far, so far away
the sun rises to another bright day
purple glimmers the water far below
and gulls begin to clamour, circling the cove
the coconut fronds start swaying
to the beat of the gentle breeze
that embraces all around it
and disturbs the seas
the flowers awaken from their sleep filled night
the birds are getting louder arguing
having a fight
a crab scuttles along the sands on the shore
and from the beach you can hear the ocean roar
pretty pink shells pepper the path I walk on
and the grass feels smooth a fresh mown lawn
i stand at the cliff’s edge
look at the vista before me
almost unbearable beauty stretches to eternity
I’d thought I should jump off but
now I step back and stare
and consider myself lucky
lucky that I am there.

Dwelling

i refuse to toe the line
and not wear my heart on my sleeve
and live in constant fear
that if i'm candid
you'll leave
that's your trip
this let me play it safe
it's not the whisky i sip
i absolutely refuse to obey
so i'm going to be honest
and tell it like i see fit
if you don't like it
tell me please don't leave.

Dwelling

burgundy makes me blue
and nutini reminds me of you
but new shoes don't help
and candy just won't do
i am sad but not much
i feel poised, primed as such
unknown and anticipated at best
tonight's just like all the rest.

Quantum Mechanics

combustion of any kind
is fine by me
he said
i agreed and think I know
exactly what he meant
but lovely man with that cool analytical streak
surely you must mean
combustion that runs engines
not the kind that makes you dream
smouldering simmering
tacit fire
subterranean slow turbulent desire
spontaneous combustion
steamy hot
all kinds of combustion
a veritable melting pot
that romantic side you hide well
will surely find appeal
in this kinda combustion
that helps seal the deal
and given how easily you embarrass
it might be interesting to see
you slowly furiously turning red
under the combustive heat
so no boring mechanics or machines
or what have you
i think i know
just the kind of combustion you refer to
no offence, but your degree does
no justice to this kind
it’s a meeting of (I hope for you) everything
but especially of the minds.

Smell

a million carnations
a warm summer breeze
i smell like a wanton
sexy striptease
a hint of pleasures
potent to one and all
i smell like the woman
the woman to make you fall
fast approaching doom
though you may not see
a golden sunshine
should remind you o’ me
potpourri and cinnamon
coffee chocolate jasmine
i smell like a delicious treat
that you might eat
will devour
a cold stinging rain
a puppy’s affectionate luck
soft as a pony’s mane
bright as a little wick
i smell like forbidden pleasures
forbidden to you
i am more than you can handle
and all that you can do.

From Within

inside me lives a book of poetry
an unborn child
a woman’s happiness
a man’s desire
inside me cries a far away wedding
unrequited passion
desperate longing
a cruel twist of fate
inside me wanders dreams of a home
trips romantic
satin sheets sex
an eternity of metal
inside me lives a perpetual all man
a need to belong
a clamour for attention
a kiss at least
inside me lives hope
inside me lives love
inside me lives you.

Vice

the world
does not give
second chances
to recovering alcoholics
and raging whores
or is that
raging alcoholics
and recovering whores
maybe it is
alcoholics
enraged
all the rage
deranged
whores recovered
covered
discovered
what ever.
society cuts no quarters
for them.
or for
recalcitrant children
and rundown villas
and redundant parents
and has been stars
society treats all equally
unfairly
and we play along.
the world is full of people
who beg
extend your hand
i need that touch
so i can
pick myself off of this ground
and be whole again
and we
who have both hands
and arms and can easily carry
this burden
look
and look away.

Moody

It's so easy
to embark on an affair
a side long glance
perhaps a pointed stare
messages are mixed up
finger tips trail fire
and before you know it
in an affair you are mired
it is so easy
to enjoy an affair
wanton wanted
neither has a care
and before you know it
you live and breathe
for this stuff
trying everything
from bluff to buff
guilt makes a weak appearance
chance says i exist too
you have a chance
to do it right
this time
don't think
feel act do
an affair may last a lifetime
a moment a blink of an eye
it's toxic
but exciting
babe its you and i.

Moody

even as i say no
i know
i will go
down the path of pleasure
moss underfoot stars above
will cushion my journey to love
my footsteps are fireflies
my tread light as rain
i am walking down this
road
i claimed never to walk on again
the thin fabric clings to me
as though urging me on
a prayer in my heart
on my lips a silent song
a discreet flight of stairs
the inconspicuous door
i knock wait listen
then i knock some more
maybe he isn’t expecting me
but how can that be true
he’d said please please
i will wait for you
the door opens and i see
him standing there
the look of naked longing
strips his face bare
we make it from
the door to bed
nothing is spoken though
the hand that holds mine
and leads me
says so much more
a rattan roof
is broken up
by a slow revolving fan
languid turgid is the night
intense is the man
leave us now oh reader
a voyeur you cannot be
love makes us over and over
that you sense you see.

Treasure

if you don’t find me in your bed
look inside your head instead
and if you don’t find me there
promise you’ll look everywhere
let me not be forgotten
like a putrid seed
let me not be cast off
like a wanton weed
swear to me
you’ll seek and find
and in ties of despair
you will bind
my soul my self
my poetry
release me not
don’t set me free.

Regret

he makes me believe in
romance and mush
in red roses and things
as such
i listen to a soppy song
and think how true
not go yuck
like i am known to do
i want to be married
to be his wife
i want to love
and bear his child
and when a sad song
comes my way
i cry my heart out
and rue the day
i let him go
pushed him out
and no matter how
i scream and shout
he is not mine
nor will he ever be
haunting sobering
this reality
lyrics of longing
remind me of him
such need such desire
a marked sin
how can i not have
what i need
i want him
is this just greed.

One More of them "the ends"

my pain’s in my poetry
my tears in your touch
my laughter in your loving
nobody could love you as much

there’s magic in our memories
and sorrow in our songs
and deja vu in our dreams
that keep me up all night long

there’s a love that’ll never go away
and moments i’ll always remember
a pain that continues to linger
it’s a feeling that is for ever

there’s a future at the frontier
and passion in the past
there’s joy in a friendship
there’s reconciliation, lessons at last.

Moody

if love can last a lifetime
how many lifetimes do we need
to be together
to right
hasty deeds
if love can sing a psalm
of hope
let it sing
loud and long
let it be heard
at least to you and me
let it be
a healing song
if love can take all this
pain
and turn it into life
i think i could finally be
his love
his lovely wife
if love hurts like this
and this hurt means
it is love
let it pain
let it ache
let it cut deep
as long as it is
oh lord let it be
as long as it
is love.

Moody

poetry falls like pearls like pain
and brings me home back again
to you love your simple truth
hope springs eternal i’ve heard it said
let’s put though this hope to bed
for what counts is you and me
and the truth that only we see
spiritual carnal illicit love
no matter what
this is love
and hope will help
but not do it all
you and I need to
take this fall
(take the plunge perhaps)
for what we’ve started
and may never finish
we’ve restarted
at some peril
hope springs eternal
but love does too
and love is enough
for me
and for you.

Dad

My paternal grandfather died many years ago. i remember walking into the house with my mother and seeing my father sitting there, having just been given the news over the phone. The look on his face, the rubbing of fingers over his brow in a slow,almost hypnotic fashion.. i still see that vividly.

What followed was trying to get him to Secunderabad from Coimbatore at the earliest. He caught a train to Madras and from there a flight to Secunderabad.There was nothing from here i think..

What greeted him at the end of his long and undoubtedly painful journey was my grandfather's empty room. All the obsequies had been performed before my dad, the eldest, got there. While my father had been aware of this decision and knew that what he would see was what he saw, i have often wondered what he might have felt like. What he still feels. Not the kind of man to wear his heart on his sleeve, dad has many layers to him and this is not a topic i see myself bring up anytime soon.

Last year, i wrote this, my way of making a little peace with what happened, to my dad, all those years ago.

Dad

i travelled
by bus train plane
wondering when i’d see him
again
what would i say
to break the ice
to make things right
but I knew when i’d
get there
i’d find the room cold
and bare
his books dusty
his many shelves
will bring home this
point in sharp relief
but i wish i could
tell him that
that despite it all
he was my dad
and we had our differences
that’s a fact
but I’ve always loved him
when I reached him through
bus train plane
he’d been burnt
my journey was in vain
i looked around his room
i cried
the day my father died.

2009

this year on my calendar
i will mark
if i may
all the happy days
i’d say perhaps
what a lovely time
he and i spent
no time to repent
in anguish or guilt
of the doing of wrong
or light as a song
i will write
of the night
when things
were set right
by a little straight
conversation
nothing else
watch how those defences melt
my calendar will
record many a happy meal
many a glass of wine
or vodka
or whatever
but it will mark
those happy times
maybe i will write
of friends coming back
finding their way to
themselves
and me
of questions answered
of patience rewarded
all that is golden you’ll see
as the year moves on
my calendar will too
and honour all that’s
dark and sad
but for now
it is bright
and full of light
and that’s not bad
not so bad.

Moody

love karmic cosmic love
love illicit logical love
love grab you hold you love
love see I told you love
love i’m the one kinda love
love this will be fun kinda love
love make me your man kinda love
love you know you can kinda love
love bring me to tears kinda love
love address your fears kinda love
love this is unreal kinda love
love hear my appeal kinda love
love sing this song kinda love
love this won’t last long kinda love
love the can never be kinda love
love the you and me kinda love